Hello from the other side of a long hiatus!! I'm sorry for such a long time off, but school has really picked up and I needed to spend my break enjoying my time with my family. I could tell you about everything I've done lately, but that is just not what I feel I need to say right now. I'm gonna be honest, I've lost a little bit of the bounce in my step lately. I'm not going to bore you with exclamations of "why me?!" because I'm fully aware of the amazing opportunities in my hands right now. However, I am going to talk about the things that I'm struggling with currently in hopes of letting them go and moving forward.

The transition into college is hard. You leave behind everyone you have history with and are forced into an entirely new environment. I love Rider; trust me, I am in the right place, but I get lonely sometimes. As much as I love my new friends, I can't tell you how often I wish I could just throw look at Camille that she would understand because she really knows me or hug my mom and dad and they would understand because they get it. The hardest part about being here for me is not having a person who just knows me.

All of that being said, I chose to come here to escape some things. A large part of my identity was stolen in Texas, and I felt the best way for me to regain my sense of self was to leave. As much as I knew that, I didn't realize how badly I needed it until now. I'm terrified of leaving behind the people I grew up with, but to a certain extent it's a part of life. Now don't hear this as me saying goodbye to everyone, that is not the case. However, I do want to thank you for all the memories and the incredible amount of love you've shown me. I didn't know a person could feel so loved until you proved it. I want to thank those who I have loved deeply, but wasn't able to hold on to along the way. And I wanna say it's okay. It's okay that I'm not as prominent a part of your life anymore. I have to let go of some things in order to grow in my present circumstance. I'm not gonna be the same girl I was a year ago anymore. I'm gonna stop holding myself back because of the things that I wish I could have again.

And it is time for me to say goodbye to a year long struggle. Goodbye to the thing I thought I would die without. Goodbye to the hope that I would ever get it back. Goodbye to everything but a smile at an occasional memory and a genuine hope for your happiness. Goodbye to the person I used to be and hello to the newer version I've become. I will never stop feeling like I have more to say, but it has all been said before and I need to be done.

Its going to be a tough few weeks for me, but I plan to have them with grace and a fearless attitude. Thank you for loving me. I know I thank you all the time, but I will never be able to thank you enough for getting me through so many hard times and loving me through every moment. I love you to the moon and down again and around the stars and back again.

Tu Me Manques, McKenna 2.0